Silenced Memories
by michi1207
Summary: Their past cannot be remembered. Life would be dangerous to them all if it is.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

It had been two years since they'd last seen each other. Fates had brought them together so fast and ripped them apart even more abruptly. If he'd let himself think about it, his mind would have been screaming immediately about how incredibly unfair the situation was – to both of them. The short time they'd spent together had been amazing; he often found himself reminiscing, wishing he could go back to that period of time. He'd felt carefree, happy…safe from the world around him. It had been mutual: She needed to find solace in his arms, to rid herself of reality, to feel more alive than she had in her entire life. He'd desperately craved for something beautiful amidst the darkness that surrounded him every second of every day. Finding each other had been a blessing, and it kept calling to him, beckoning to him, begging for him to come home, as a lighthouse leads a ship to port.

Now, standing in a dimly lit room containing only a dusty lamp and rotting, splintered wood bedframe, he stared at the pile of ratty blankets in the corner. A backpack served as a pillow for the two occupants of the dilapidated bedroom – a young woman and a baby barely over a year old. A mother and her child. He looked quickly at the angel beside him before his eyes flashed back to the pair sound asleep on the floor. They had no idea they had visitors in the abandoned house. One question replayed in his mind, just three words – but the answer to that inquiry would change his life. He was afraid to ask it aloud. His companion barely moved his head in affirmation; all of the oxygen seemed to have left the world as his mind processed this new information. He took a tentative forward, to get a better look at the woman's face. Unfortunately for him, his movement alerted her to their presence. Her eyes snapped open, and she instinctively curled herself around her son to protect him from whatever harm that the two might cause. Then those clear blue irises landed on his face, and a gasp ripped from her lungs.

"What…what are you doing here?"

"I had to see you."

Her eyes flitted to the angel. "You promised. You swore you wouldn't let this happen!"

"I could not stop him any longer. He was driving himself crazy thinking of you."

"But it isn't safe! That's why we ended what we had."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you know what you've done?" She swiftly rose to her feet and walked silently to the pair. "You've put our son in danger, Sam Winchester!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

Sam's cheek stung from the swift slap she'd delivered after her declaration. "I had to see you. Don't you understand?"

"What I _understand_ is the fact that there will never be safety for William. Not now. Demons are gonna find him, all because of you."

"Cas won't let that happen."

"Castiel can't always protect you, or us."

"Please, Aurielle…talk to me."

She hesitated at the sound of her name on his lips. It had been two long years since she'd heard something so beautiful, so…_right_. It was all she could do to not break down and cry; instead, she flung herself into his arms, pressing tightly against his chest, and inhaled the scent that was uniquely him. He held her as close as he could without hurting her. Memories of the night they'd spent together danced through his mind. Aurielle couldn't stop the tears that suddenly escaped her eyes. Though she knew Sam's reappearance in her life would bring more harm than good, her heart sang with joy.

"Why didn't you tell me about him?"

"I couldn't, and you know it."

"I know," he sighed, pressing a quick kiss to her hair.

"He's a lot like you, ya know."

"Really?"

"Yea. Temper and all. Eyes, included. So how's life going?"

"Not very well, actually, but it could be worse."

"Suppose you could be living in an abandoned house that could crash down at any minute."

"Why _are_ you living here?"

"It sure wasn't the scenery. Honestly, I had no other choice."

"Now you do."

Both Sam and Aurielle started at Castiel's voice. They'd forgotten about the angel standing in the shadows. She spoke first as he stepped forward.

"What do you mean?"

"You can stay with Bobby."

"I can't. Everybody knows he's in cahoots with the boys."

"In cahoots?" Cas shook his head slightly, apparently deciding to waive questioning the phrase. "Bobby will not mind. I can shield you from angels, and Bobby has a demon-proof panic room."

"I can't just _live_ in a _panic room_. That's worse than here!"

"Auri, listen, sweetheart. The panic room is only for the arrival of demons. Bobby is a hunter. He knows the tricks to keeping unwelcome visitors away."

She glanced from Sam's honest eyes to her sleeping son who was so blissfully ignorant to the facts of the world. "Cas? Do you promise to keep William safe?"

"I do."

"Alright," she conceded after a very pregnant pause.

.:.

She gazed around the airy bedroom, feeling slightly nauseous as her mind struggled to wrap itself around everything that had happened in the span of a couple hours. Damn Sam. Damn him to Hell. With a sigh, she dropped her backpack to the floor and moved William into a more comfortable position in her arms. His big brown eyes shined brightly at the new environment – much more safe and secure than the hundreds of derelict buildings they'd been sleeping in since he was born.

Someone coughed softly from the doorway, and Aurielle turned quickly, shielding her son from the intruder. She relaxed when she saw it was only Bobby Singer.

"Just wanted to see how you were settlin' in."

"Oh. It's going alright. Thank you for this. I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem." He looked a bit uncomfortable at her gratitude; he cleared his throat gruffly. "All you have to do is promise me that you'll listen to me when it comes to your and that boy's safety."

"I promise."

"So…Sam, huh."

"Yea."

He left her to herself with an announcement that Dean would be bringing dinner back in half an hour. She placed William on the bed and sat down on the edge; the baby immediately began to play one of the pillows. Aurielle smiled slightly, but her mind was elsewhere. How could Sam have done this to her? To them? In his defence, he hadn't known about the fact they'd created a child together. But would that have stopped him from seeking her out? She was more confused than she'd been when she had first made the decision to keep the information of the baby from her one-time lover.

"_What are you gonna do, Elle?"_

"_I don't know, but I can't change anything."_

"_Well, you could…"_

"_No! No, no, no, no, no! Celeste, you know I can't do that."_

_Her friend rolled her amber eyes. "I was going to say you could put it up for adoption."_

"_I don't know. I'll figure something out."_

"_Are you going to tell the father?"_

"_I'll never see him again."_

"_Oooh, a one-night stand?"_

"_No."_

"_You liar! How was it?" Celeste was grinning unashamedly at Aurielle, her eyes wide._

"_Stop. I don't want to talk about it." She sighed. "I'm going home."_

And she had. She'd also written a dozen letters to Sam, each one telling of her pregnancy. Each one making her miss the man she'd slept with. No, that wasn't right. They'd spent hours upon hours just talking about everything – life, hopes and desires, fears. The making love had come early in the morning before they parted. Walking away from him had been incredibly difficult. She'd had boyfriends before; the breakups with them had been awkward, not nearly impossible. So why had it been so hard to leave Sam after only fourteen hours?

Aurielle jumped when she heard the front door bang open downstairs. Then she remembered Dean was bringing home dinner. Home. As much as she appreciated Bobby going out of his way to give her and William a safe, stable place to live, she didn't think she could ever call it home. "Home" was a foreign concept to her. Even as a child, she'd spent almost her whole life moving around. It was what she knew. Having a permanent residence was just too weird a thought to entertain.

"You must be Aurielle."

"That'd be me."

"You hungry?"

"Not really."

Sam's brother quirked an eyebrow. "How is that even possible?"

"Just because you have an unending appetite doesn't mean we all do," quipped Sam as he entered the two-story house carrying a large amount of shopping bags.

"Either way, I'd be willin' to bet my baby that this little man is hungry."

William giggled at Dean's tickling fingers against his tiny tummy. The group gathered around the table to load up their plates with the Italian carry-out. Once the child was seated in a chair and digging into his lasagne, Sam pulled Aurielle aside and up to her new bedroom. The bed was covered in the bags; she crossed her arms over her chest, turning to level Sam with a questioning look.

"He needs clothes and toys and stuff. So…there ya go."

"I don't think _this_ is meant for a baby."

He grinned at the black and blue bra. "No. That's for you."

"It's not that I don't appreciate this, because I do, but…why?"

"You two needed this, so why not?"

"Can you even afford this? There's gotta be at least seven hundred dollars' worth of clothes here!"

"Auri, I don't think the cost matters, does it? And yes, I can afford it."

"I suppose it doesn't."

"Look. Regardless of what's going to happen in the future, William is my son. Therefore I'm going to do everything I possibly can to help you."

"And me? What am I to you?"

She hated herself for that question. It caused a flurry of emotions to spin in his unguarded eyes. He took a step toward her but stopped just outside of her reach.

"You've been the only person I've thought and dreamt about since that night. Once everything gets settled, we'll have to figure out our future."

William's call of "Mommy!" interrupted them, and she immediately rushed down the stairs. A sigh of relief left her once she saw that he was alright – covered in pasta sauce, but fine nonetheless. A grin was spreading across his face, and she glanced over at Dean who wore an identical smile as the seventeen-month-old.

"We were just talking. I asked him who his favourite person was."

"Oh. Well, come on, little guy. Someone needs a bath!"

.:.

Forty-five minutes later, William was asleep in his new Pack 'N' Play, and so Aurielle walked down to the kitchen to join the others at the table. Dean offered her a beer; she shook her head and ran a hand through her hair.

"So…how do you know Sam?"

"Um…"

"We met two years ago."

Dean hesitated but asked the question Aurielle was dreading having to answer: "Where's William's father?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

Sam lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling. His brother was already snoring from his spot on the floor. Dean had taken the news of being an uncle rather well with very limited sarcastic jabs at Sam. Aurielle had gone to bed shortly after the discussion. Bobby had merely said obligatory congratulations before heading to his own room.

Sam sighed and walked quietly up the stairs to stand outside his son's mother's door. He could hear her humming softly through the wood; he pushed open the door and gave her a smile.

"Mind if I join?"

"Sure."

"I'm sorry about Dean. I didn't know he was going to ask that question."

"Don't be. He deserved to know, at least for a little while, that he's an uncle."

"Wait, what do you mean 'for a little while?'"

"I mean, I'm gonna ask our angel friend to remove all this from our memories in the morning. I can't live in fear all the time, of them finding us or using us to hurt you."

"Don't I get a choice in this? Maybe I don't want to forget for any period of time."

"Sam-"

"No. Listen to me. My whole life I've been dealing with Dad and Dean ordering me around. _They_ always made the decisions, and I was expected to just follow them blindly, no questions asked. But this… I'm not doing this. This isn't just _your_ decision. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to voice my opinions."

"Sam, listen to _me_. It'll only be temporary. Only until whatever you're involved in is over."

"It's still unfair. A day isn't enough time to bond with my son."

"You'll have more time after all this."

He gazed at her, defeat in his eyes. "How can you be so sure?"

"I don't know. I just…know." She sighed, patting the bed beside her. "Please? I don't want to sleep alone."

The feeling of his arms around her, holding her to his chest tenderly, was one she'd never forgotten – it had always been there in her dreams, as well, but the real thing was more amazing than her memory could ever be. She tilted her head to look up at his face; there were worry lines marring his normally smooth forehead, and his lips were pressed into a tight line. Aurielle touched his cheek softly, the scratchiness of his five-o'clock shadow tickling her fingertips.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way. I really am. I'm just trying to keep us all safe."

"I've got an idea."

.:.

Twenty minutes later, Aurielle sat in front of a video camera, staring at the red light. She released a shaky breath before speaking.

"If you're watching this, it means everything is alright. Your name is Aurielle Graves. You are a twenty-four-year-old single mother of William Samuel Graves. Sam Winchester is his father. And you are, oddly enough, in love with him. You only spent one night together, but your heart got caught up and…well, it became his. The only reason I'm making this video is so, when this war or whatever it is, is over, you can find where your heart truly belongs: with Sam.

"Sam, if you watch this, you've made it through, and I've found you. I hope that's what happens. I don't really want to forget you, but it's safer. You won't be distracted or tortured by memories of us while you're off saving the world. I so wish things could be different. Unfortunately, they're not. So here we are, about to separate for the second time in two years. I love you, Sam. I hope you don't forget… I guess that isn't right, because you _will_ forget. We have no other choice. But I hope you believe what I say here, when we see each other again. I love you," she finished in a whisper, her voice breaking.

Aurielle wiped her eyes, forcing her tears to subside. Her next words were swallowed up by a sob, and she fumbled for the button to stop recording. How could life be so unfair? So cruel? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. What was the childhood rhyme? "First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes a baby in a baby carriage." It had said nothing of a one-night stand resulting in love or a child, nothing of monsters and demons and angels attempting – and succeeding – in taking her love away in a war he most likely would die fighting. But she couldn't afford to think of that now. Her son needed her to be strong. And she'd be damned if she caused Sam to feel guilty about this twist of events.

She finally calmed down and dried her cheeks with the hem of her T-shirt. After closing the camcorder, she carried it out of Bobby's library and to her bedroom. Sam placed the tape in a heavy wooden box before taking her in his arms once more. They climbed into bed and, still holding each other, slowly fell asleep.


End file.
